but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
