2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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