fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
