had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
