I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Those nachos came to me in a dream
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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