Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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