since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
