No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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