Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
