Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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