I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
