Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize