morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't turn off my feet"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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