well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
