Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
