if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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