The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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