Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just tell him i said nine months
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
