But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize