His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
only if we run a train.
done.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize