It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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