i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
