I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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