So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.