I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hippo gnu deer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
