There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
