Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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