as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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