I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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