seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The ass gains better be worth it
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