yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
