90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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