Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize