you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
