Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
