you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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