I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
