there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
