i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize