Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will be naked everywhere
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize