fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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