if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
