i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
