And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
