Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
