Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
