Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
