we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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