She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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