Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
