I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
