dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
