Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And then my night got REAL pukey
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
