This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just forgot I was standing up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
