So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
