She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
