If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
