Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
