I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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