I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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