Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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